En-light-en

Sin - The Ugly 3 Letter Word

2012-02-16T20:05:00.000-10:00

Yes, sin. The ugly three letter word. I suppose we should properly define the term before we get started.

Dictionary.com shares this definition:

sin
1. Transgression of divine law: the sin of Adam.
2. Any act regarded as such a transgression, especially a willful or deliberate violation of some religious or moral principle.
3. Any reprehensible or regrettable action, behavior, lapse, etc.; great fault or offense: It's a sin to waste time.

My definition:
1. Any thought or action that separates us from God’s perfect love and will for our lives.

You may be a little different but when I sin God fiercely convicts me. I can't get away with anything. No joke. It’s like when we were in grade school. We’d race through the empty hallways, cutting up and laughing and when we least expected it, out popped the Principal. Ouch. I knew better. Shame would consume me, my head would go down and my heart became frightened of the punishment ahead.

I just experienced ten extremely long months of holiness. Not only because there weren't any charmingly handsome men knocking on my door but also because I thought had I seen a glimpse of my future. I was waiting on someone and boy was he worth it. Unfortunately, instead of receiving what I had been waiting for, my heart was shattered into a million pieces (again) and I learned a lesson on expectations.

This time was different. I was mad! I turned my face from God and danced with the devil. I yanked the cable that kept me connected to God completely out of the socket. I was tired of hurting. I was going to do it my way. After all, all those other sinners weren't lonely. They had someone or a lot of some-ones to keep them company. I didn't understand why God hadn't given me my husband yet. I had been a really good girl for a really, really long time [way more than 10 months].

I threw my little fleshly, cherry red, convertible self into reverse and I rebelled. I gave into the first guy that crossed my path. I went from good girl to really bad girl overnight. Kisses were sweet. I wanted to be loved and to be held. And dang it, I was tired of waiting and being let down. I gave in. I experienced what I waited so long for and gave in again. Then I gave in some more. My heart was happy. I felt cherished and special. (Guy gets what he wants. Girl gets what she wants.) Relationships really are that easy. Right?

Wrong. Guess what happened next. God came knocking.

"Knock, Knock, Knock."
"Sorry God, I’m not home."

Who was I kidding? I couldn’t continue living in sin. This guy wasn't for me. He wasn't hand picked by God to be my husband. We had absolutely nothing in common.

For so long now, I was a child of God, a beautiful vessel for his use. As christians, we are called to live in the world but not to be of the world. I turned from my sin, buried my face and begged for God's mercy. I pleaded for his forgiveness. I knew better. My heart had been shattered and instead of allowing God’s spirit to comfort me, my flesh exploded like a firecracker. You can bet God put me right back where I belonged.

Single and holy.

After receiving God’s forgiveness, something still wasn't right. I was miserable. I had answered a call from God to return to a small island and I was the saddest person on the planet. Surely if this was God's plan, there would be peace; but this stuff wasn’t going away. Loneliness at its worse had crept in and stolen all of my comfort and joy. Hours of prayer wasn't breaking the unbearable curse.

A fellow writer wrote about how she felt while she was alone for a few days with her new child. "It was excruciating" she shared. It had been excruciating for me for twelve years but the pain never lasted this long. God remained distant and I couldn't bare it any longer.

I remembered a lesson on sin. When we give ourselves to someone, we create soul ties. When soul ties form, things from the spiritual world can travel to and from each person freely. Something had definitely travelled to me and I needed to get rid of it. It was time to fast.

After fasting, God allowed me to recall several conversations with a dear friend. We used to talk about sin a lot and how we lose our blessings when we slip; although I had never seen it in scripture. I had to know what was going on, what happened to my relationship with Christ. Guessing was not an option. I needed a solid answer, the truth. I went to the word and this is what I found:

There will be trouble and distress for every human being who does evil. (Romans 2:9)

There's more...

He who digs a hole and scoops it out falls into the pit he has made. The trouble he causes recoils on himself; his violence comes down on his own head. ( Psalm 7:15-16)

and more...

One sinner destroys much good. (Ecclesiastes 9:18)

yes, still more...

Your own conduct and actions have brought this upon you. This is your punishment. How bitter it is! How it pierces to the heart! (Jeremiah 4:18)

My own actions had brought this upon me. I was suffering, really suffering the consequences of my sin.

I've always had a hard time understanding why God made life so complicated. If it were up to me, we'd all be floating around in hot air balloons, reading books and singing praises-no matter how terrible our voices were. But, it wasn't left up to me. It was left up to woman, in a garden, who (like me) fell for a lie. The entire picture is quite remarkable actually.

God gave us a choice to love him and to experience his unfailing love and his perfect will for our lives. He's always standing there waiting on us to turn to him. (It sort-of sounds like the relationship between a husband and a wife…that’s a choice too.)

A few years ago, I sat at my Pastor's table. (How I miss this man.) I looked at him in disbelief when he began teaching on a sinless life. "Really?" I said. "One can live a life without sin?" He answered in his soft and gently guiding voice and said, "Think about it. Have you ever gone a minute without sinning?" "Sure" I answered. "What about two? Now, keep going."

Sin is like everything else on this earth. It's all a choice. Like everything else, it all has consequences.

Let me be the one to tell you...IT AIN'T WORTH IT! No matter how lonely, heartbroken, bored, scared, or fleshly you are, don't do it. It's not worth it. I can't explain the excrutiating loneliness that I've felt over the past few months. I've never experienced such pain. Period.

Satan has come to steal, kill and destroy anything and anyone in his path. I’ll be honest, he had me fooled for a moment and held a tight grip; but I always heard that the word of God is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword.

The next time you think about sinning, think about what blessing you'll be losing and the pain that will come with that sin. If you have to cry, scream and pull your hair out, do it, just don't sin. Should you fall, get right back up and keep walking. Our God is a very loving and forgiving God. Trust me, I know from personal experience.

Don't be afraid to put Satan (or your flesh) in its place. For now is the time to fight.

I'll leave you with this...

You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, 6 but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments. (Exodus 20:5-6)

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. ² Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. (Romans 12:1)

Out of the Wilderness

2012-01-01T18:34:00.000-10:00

The first day of my new year started with a sweet rise and shine coffee session around 7:30 this morning. By the time 9:00 am rolled around, the little one was still sleeping and I couldn't get over how cozy and comfy being under my favorite fluffy down comforter felt. So, I decided to stay in my special, soft holiday pj's and rest my little eyes again.

During an hour or so of more lovely sleep, God blessed me with a wonderful vision. Oh how I love sweet dreams! (This one is for my eyes only. But, when it happens, I'll be sure to share it.)
I finally changed out of my pajamies around 3:00pm and began what became a cherished, outdoor dinner. Honesty and I made tasty teriyaki, fried chicken with of course the southern style New Year fixings, collard greens, black-eyed peas and cornbread.

While cooking, I made my way outside for a moment of fresh, calming air and admired the scenery around me. As I over looked a vast field in my backyard I realized how much God had blessed me already. In my backyard, I counted five large, beautiful horses that I get to lay my eyes upon whenever I choose. (The horseback riding camp will come later this year.)

Bring On The Rain

2011-12-31T17:01:00.000-10:00

Boy, 2011 was some year! I don't think there has ever been a more difficult, more challenging 365 days. Well, in my life anyway.

A few months ago, with a happy and excited heart, I answered a call and moved back to Hawaii. Unfortunately, I wasn't prepared for the shock that would soon question my faith.

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I Wanna Know What Love Is

2011-12-02T08:00:00.001-10:00

A few months ago, I stood in my living room and joined in with Mariah Carey as she sang these sweet words.

"I gotta take a little time

A little time to think things over

I better read between the lines
In case I need it when I'm older

In my life there's been heartache and pain

I don't know if I can face it again

Can't stop now, I've traveled so far
To change this lonely life

Impossible to Forget

2011-11-03T22:24:00.000-10:00

Do I walk away and forget that night? Do I forget what it felt like to kiss him and to be next to him as he pulled me closer?

Do I forget the look in his eyes fromacross the table?

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Life Awaits... Enjoy the Journey!

2011-10-14T22:24:00.000-10:00

Be Strong and Courageous read my daily verse.

I took a deep breath and walked into my boss' office with a folded letter in hand. I couldn't look her in the eyes. I knew fear had caused me to make the wrong decision. "I'm sorry I couldn't give you more notice. I'm leaving for Honolulu tomorrow." I knew they'd ask me to leave. I wouldn't get my last paycheck. I had to do it. I had to look out for the best interest of myself and my little one.

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I'll Be There For You

2011-10-14T17:57:00.000-10:00

"I'll be there for you. These five words I swear to you."

I joined in with one of my favorite gal pals for karaoke one weekend as we sang those sweet words to one another from the bottom of our hearts. I could see truth in her eyes. I'll be there for you... After nearly 25 years, I believe her.

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Look Before You Leap

2011-10-14T17:55:00.001-10:00

During a conversation with my sister I mentioned someone that seemed...um...what's a good word...interested in my upcoming, life shaking transition.

"He's...sweet." I told her. "No, he's sly." She said.

Hmmm.

Oh...little naive child...you are becoming a woman...a wise woman.

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Thank You

2011-10-14T17:52:00.001-10:00

In a few short moments I will board a plane headed to Honolulu on a one way ticket again. In 2008 while looking out of the window before my flight home, tears filled my eyes but my heart knew I would return.

During the past fews years, I patiently waited for God's call home learning to be obedient and allowing God to use me as his vessel as I swung the sword of the spirit fighting my own battles, other's battles and embraced many lessons. Today I would like to give thanks to all that walked beside me. In no special order, Thank you for being a very special part of my life.

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A Season of Lessons

2011-09-14T07:57:00.001-10:00

Just a year ago, I sat at the kitchen table in front of my Pastor and in a soft and gentle voice he said, "April, you have to learn to go into the lives of others without them coming into your life."

Unfortunately, I didn't listen and gave into the guilt of the flesh.

God didn't stop there trying to prepare me.

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God Loves Me (with a funny dream)

2011-08-24T09:03:00.001-10:00

Today, my dear friends, I'd like to share God's amazing love.

Stress had completely consumed me this past weekend. No joke. I had reached my limit. Satan had been attacking my mind, my life and my friends. He was busy. Filling minds with nothing but hatred and nasty little lies causing drama in every direction. Problems here, problems there. For the past few months NOTHING has been easy.

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No Boys Allowed

2011-08-20T17:19:00.002-10:00

In no way am I against men. Trust me. I'm over coming an addiction. There actually could be one right now that I'm addicted to because I can't seem to shake him. -But whatever. As the days go by, I’m beginning to see all of the wonderful and abundant qualities that a good man has to offer. At times, it can make my single dirt road quite bumpy.

2011 Pamper Party - This Saturday Night 8pm

2011-08-18T04:40:00.000-10:00

*2011 Ladies’ Hope Revival*

(aka Pamper Party)

With a very special activity & possibly a short message about Hope

Blame It On The Rain

2011-08-15T11:18:00.000-10:00

Men make us crazy! Have you noticed?

We scream the first time they call and become so overwhelmed with excitement and nervousness, we don’t answer. We wouldn’t dare let them hear our high pitched voices.

Every time the phone announces a new text, we secretly hope it’s that one guy.

After we learn he’s on his way for our first date, a bomb nearly explodes inside of us.
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My Fairy Tale World

2011-08-10T13:14:00.000-10:00

I live in Fairy-Tale Land these days.

My favorite childhood memory happened when I was about 5 years old. My Dad sat me in his lap and said, “April, you can be anything you want to be.” I chose peace and love.

Cinderella and Snow White really screwed me up. They made reality hard for me to accept.

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The Sweetest Letter

2011-08-02T09:20:00.001-10:00

I stumbled upon a letter written to me several years ago. With approval, I've decided to share. Ladies, men like this really do exist. I hope you enjoy.

I’m sure by now you have realized there are only 5 lilies. Although flowers normally come in 3, 6, or 12, I chose 5 for a reason.

The white in an Oriental (Stargazer) Lily represents purity, and the pink or red represents prosperity. So I thought it was a pretty descriptive flower for you. You seem to me as a person about as pure in heart and mind as anyone I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. And although spirits like ours may not always feel so, you have been prosperous. Through everything you have endured, you have managed to find your peace; you have your health, family and a beautiful daughter. So I would say you have prospered thus far.

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I'm Not Strong Enough

2011-07-19T11:31:00.004-10:00

“You should leave him. It’s not a healthy relationship.” I said to a friend.

“I’m not strong enough,” she replied.

“You have to forgive her.” I told another friend.

“I’m not strong enough,” she answered.

I curled up in my bed that night and wrapped myself as tight as I could in my favorite blanket welcoming some of the only earthly comfort I know. I positioned my pillow just right and rested softly on the fluffy cotton and satin. I exhaled as my mind began to replay the struggles of the day.

Honor Your Heart

2011-07-07T04:59:00.002-10:00

“Honor your heart. Follow your heart,” a friend often says to me. “But my heart has always been wrong,” I would reply.

What does it mean to honor your heart?

I’ve always been a thinker. Forget what my heart says…I’d analyze, rationalize and eventually put so much thought into my action or re-action that by the time my mind was made up…it was too late.

Follow your heart…

Buckle Up and Enjoy the Ride

2011-06-08T15:01:00.002-10:00

The sweet title of a book written by a former Pastor has continued to repeat in my mind… Buckle Up and Enjoy the Ride…
Without a doubt, the last few months have been the most challenging that I can remember. We all know the saying, “When it rains…It pours.”

I’ve been seen by numerous doctors including a dentist repeatedly. “You think I have a what? Can we fix it? What about this?” So of course what do I do? To the Internet I go! Research. Loads and loads of research. 60 dollar co-pays here, 600 dollars there and a 1,000 invoice with no end in sight.

What's In Your Shopping Cart?

2011-06-05T17:16:00.001-10:00

A friend, a guide, JMAW, reminded me of a very important life lesson.
(Click the link and check him out. He's great!)

We must master the mind. Even though I’ve learned this, I sometimes still forget.

If you're anything like me, may God help you. (ha-ha) I usually start each day rushing to find something to wear, grabbing my coffee and darting out the door to maintain the income that provides my life necessities.

For most of us, life is usually fast paced with so many different experiences each moment. Wonderful and not so wonderful words are spoken into our lives. In the rush of life my days have been known to run together and eventually turn into months and even years of heading down the wrong path. After days like this or months, my mind has been known to carry quite the load.

When God Says Go....GO!

2011-06-05T06:35:00.000-10:00

I am free today because of a decision I've made to place my focus where it was intended to be.

What will you focus on today?

The Sweet Life

2011-06-03T19:19:00.012-10:00

I'm here to share the truth about the single life. For those of you who think it's a bed of roses with multiple dinners on the town and starlit nights, look a little further and you'll see the truth. It's not exactly sweet. The excitement of a new relationship and falling in love over and over again can get old pretty quickly after you've done it several times in a year.

I was born a woman. A woman wonderfully crafted and knitted together by God and I'm sure was intended to love (and help) a man. However, somewhere during my growth, I became lost in love and fell completely off the band wagon.

I grew up with a desire to love; to share love and receive love. A desire to have love present in my life. That's all I wanted. I didn't care about the big house, the mercedes, a ten thousand dollar carat or a wedding that would put us in debt before we ever faced the world together. All I wanted was love. A happy, little sweet loving family that protected each other from the cold, heartless world. And a man willing to love me through my mistakes, my pits and one ready to pull me right back up when I would hit rock bottom over and over again. (As women do.)

The Battle Has Already Been Won

2011-04-29T05:56:00.001-10:00

I cuddled up under my big and fluffy down comforter, a bed soft and sweet after a text with Mc. Dreamy. I closed my eyes and began to fall into a deep sleep.

Minutes later I heard my bedroom door rattle as if someone was trying to get in. As one who loves sleep and a cozy bed, I shook it off and continued to snooze.

I’m the type of person that takes sleep pretty seriously, so when I fall asleep, it’s pretty hard to wake me unless it’s been a full 8 hours later.

Somewhere between being slightly awake and deeply asleep, I watched my door open and close. I tried hard to open my eyes and I saw this dark shadow make itself comfortable and at home sitting himself calmly at the foot of my bed.

Run, Run, Run, Runaway

2011-04-24T17:36:00.020-10:00

"Dude...I'm done" slipped through my fingers onto the little phone that communicated with a boy that recently grabbed my heart. I sighed as I closed my eyes and hit send.

I couldn't ride the roller coaster any more. I put my phone down, thought a moment about my weekend plans and went to bed.

The next morning came too early as I wiped the sleep from my eyes. A song that I hadn't heard in years kept repeating in my head as I stumbled to the coffee pot. I sat down at my computer to begin planning my day and there it was...Let that pony run.

Wrong Turn?

2011-04-18T05:43:00.011-10:00

I drug myself out of bed and rushed out the door as usual.

I looked at my watch and went back and forth with the idea of stopping for gas. "Could I make it? Would I be late if I stopped?"

Trying to get to work as quickly as possible while leaving the option for gas open, I took a turn down an unfamiliar street. "Maybe God is showing me a short cut," I thought.

The Ideal Man

2011-04-13T08:56:00.003-10:00

Several years ago I looked into the eyes of a man I had loved for ten years and what I saw shocked me. He didn't love me. Instead, his heart didn't like the life God had given me and he felt sorry for me.

The day I walked away, I vowed never to be wrong again.

History Repeats Itself

2011-04-01T08:07:00.003-10:00

Not long ago, a friend wrote to me and said something along the lines of paying attention because history repeats itself. He also shared that when we see this happening, we can change the outcome and lead the situation in another direction, making sure not to repeat the same mistakes.

History repeats itself.

Even though we all know this, we may not be aware of when it’s actually taking place.

As I examined a recent experience in my life, a light bulb suddenly went off. History! I was amazed to realize it took me 30 days to catch on. However long 30 days may be, it is still shorter than a year or two. Progress. Yay!

Cast Out the Spirit of Depression

2011-03-31T08:23:00.003-10:00

Stop rebelling and being disobedient!

A little something I found at http://www.seekgod.org/...

DEPRESSION

Causes and Cures

Depression is a serious problem for many people, especially Americans. It has many causes and thus many cures. The Brain is a very complex biochemical organ, designed by God. The whole human body is so complex that many times medical science fails to properly diagnose and treat medical and emotional problems. I am not a doctor so let me insert this disclaimer here that I am not diagnosing or treating any one by the information provided. Your decision on how to treat your health is between you and God and your physician. I believe in seeking the advice of physicians for health problems and I believe that God sometimes gives physicians wisdom on treating people. There are also times when physicians do not have all of the answers, medical science can only do so much. The information I am providing here is from my own experience and observations, and what I believe are some of the things that the Bible says about depression.

Faith...Which Road Will You Take?

2011-03-29T15:57:00.019-10:00

4500 miles from home I experienced the best night of my life.

It just so happened to be with a man.

A man that stood tall and confident. A gentle man that radiated his incredible power. A happy, carefree man that had the ability to reach right inside of my soul and pull out the very best.

A man that I could be my silly self with. One just as silly and one that skipped with me.

His sweet spirit filled the space between us and I could see his tenderness right through his very eyes.

Every wall around my heart came tumbling, crashing down as I leaned back against his chest.

One Moment In Time

2011-03-27T04:26:00.003-10:00

And just like that, in just a moment, the heart is hardened

and hope is tossed into a pool of selfish dreams.

The power within begins to illuminate and to protect

and the open door is closed.

Amazing Grace

2011-02-05T06:02:00.007-10:00

I am a sinner. I was born a sinner. I'm certain there will be times in my life that I will remain a sinner.

I'm a woman. At times, an emotional woman and I've been known to stumble. Sometimes, I've repeated the same mistake over and over, only to look back and question what the heck was I thinking? But, I've learned that I'm only human and a human filled with multitudes of emotion that at times, are hard to manage.

I've done things in my life that I was certain, I would never do. Things that as a child, I questioned how could someone do? There was no question about it, I knew I wouldn't do it. I've done things that I've never shared with anyone. Other things I would never share with my closest friends.

A Pair Of Shoes and Fake Finger Nails

2010-12-18T05:50:00.018-10:00

At 17 years old, I sold my soul for a pair of silver heels and my first set of acrylic nails.

One summer night, I was in the arms of the man I loved and holding on for dear life as we prepared for his 90 days away at boot-camp for punishment for something stupid he did.
After way too much alcohol for a teenager to handle, the enemy convinced us into swallowing a pill that I'll probably never know the name of.

Soon two hearts, first loves sworn to forever, were incoherent to the world around them and their lives lay open to the hand of the enemy.

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I'm Already Somebody's Lover

2010-12-04T19:39:00.029-10:00

(This one's for the single ladies...)

I learned a valuable lesson months ago and have found quite good use from it. I learned that the Bible teaches that I must honor my husband all the days of my life.

What husband... Right? Well here's the catch...

The Bible doesn't read you must honor your husband when you're married. No. No. No. Instead, it reads you must honor your husband all the days of your life.

Guard Your Heart

2010-11-28T06:30:00.005-10:00

A few weeks ago I found myself at a new christian friend's place chatting away and what's the number one topic of discussion? Relationships. What a word. They come, they go. They get us wrapped up and make us do crazy things we wouldn't normally do and sadly, sometimes we end up making total fools out of ourselves. Sweet relationships.

Being the only handsome and charming christian man I had found an interest in in a very, very long time, I was glad to hear his lessons on life and love.

He said he learned to guard his heart. Amazingly, this lesson was exactly the same lesson I was faced with. The exact thing I had been recently lead to pray about and seek understanding of. My main prayer in recent months; "Lord, please help me to...guard my heart."

So I asked, "What does it mean to guard your heart?" "How do you...guard your heart?"

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My Cup Runneth Over

2010-11-25T05:07:00.005-10:00

Just the other day I was sitting at my computer searching for inspiring songs to lift up my broken spirit. I was once again at a party for 1, serving loads of pity and hurt. During my search, I came across a video and out of curiosity...I clicked the link.

After watching the video, I cried and I cried hard. I turned my tears to God and asked for forgiveness for wallowing in my own pity for so long. I apologized for how selfish I had been over the years.

I was reminded from this video just how blessed I really am and something snapped inside and God's plans for my life shifted into high gear.

Dating

2010-11-24T09:34:00.008-10:00

Dating...ugh.

The mere word makes my skin crawl and my stomach turn completely upside down. Hopes are high, feelings get hurt and sweet rejection settles on our lips.

I'm 30 and I guess I always pictured myself settled down and married by now...not searching the sea for "my match". But as the holidays quickly approach, I find myself wanting to share an evening with someone special more and more.

The Storm

2010-10-29T16:09:00.000-10:00

Storm clouds from afar glow as lightning flashes through them. My stomach turns as I gaze out of the airplane window and notice how close I am to these sparkles in the sky.

The clouds are dark and alarming, irregular and vast, covering several cities I'm sure.

Then I see a single, bright star shining in the night sky with a beautiful pink backdrop painted across the horizon and I realize...

The storm can only go so far...

Rejection and The Fear of Love

2010-10-21T05:45:00.005-10:00

As a client began to open up about a recent divorce, I realized that most of us have had our heart broken at some point, some of us, several times.

Being a single woman for a very long period after having my heart ripped out (again) hasn’t been an easy road to travel. After finally learning how to put myself “back on the market” there were many times when I wasn’t accepted by someone I found irresistible. A friend eased my pain when he said, “God is saving you.”

Rejection. Oh, how it hurts. Somewhere deep within, I found the courage to pick my broken ego off the floor and continued on with my openness for a new relationship.

Learning to Live With A Broken Heart

2010-10-09T14:57:00.001-10:00

Remind yourself that it gets better with time.
Allow yourself to grieve. Some it may take weeks, some it may take years.
When you’re ready, make an honest effort to be happy. Enjoy Yourself.
Rediscover who you are. What are your dreams, passions, desires that you may have forgotten during the relationship.
Reconnect spiritually.
Allow the healing to take place.
Evaluate why the relationship ended, learn from it and move on.

---Unsure of author...

Life Goes On

2010-10-09T14:47:00.003-10:00

Wrapped up in the childhood emotional drama today I realized that no matter how stupid we (or our friends) make ourselves appear to be, Life Goes On and we eventually get over the embarrassing moments as well as the heart wrenching ones.

The more I open up, the more I discover and the more I am able to control the wonderful emotions God placed inside of me. As soon as I tell Miss Nervousness to take a chill pill, I find myself grounded once again and Life Goes On.

Forgiveness Leads to Freedom

2010-10-09T14:45:00.001-10:00

How do you know if forgiveness has taken place?

"You'll know that you are forgiven if you can let God's love flow through you to that person," says Doug Easterday. "If the person walked in, would you let that love be expressed?

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10 Steps to Healing

2010-10-09T14:14:00.001-10:00

1. Cry out to Jesus.
God is waiting to her from you and he's waiting to wrap you in his arms and take away all of the pain. You just have to give it to him.

2. Put the ice cream down and Get out of the house.
Close your eyes and smell the fresh air and enjoy the beauty of God’s Creation.

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Fireflies

2010-10-09T13:53:00.002-10:00

I fell in love again.

This man, this friend, filled my heart with peace and joy.

His heart poured love even though it was broken.

There he sat with every thing I'd ever wanted.

His heart was pure and sweet. His soul, quiet and grateful.

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Letting Go

2010-10-09T13:43:00.000-10:00

I’ve recently come to the realization that life isn’t about holding on but the joy found in letting go. If you know me at all then you know that of all people, I have had my share, my abundant share of letting go. I have loved many a men. And each and every time I have, that “next time” turns out to be so much greater and ever so truer than the one before. Every time, I just know that he’s the one. This is finally it. I always think to myself, “God has finally sent my man to me.” And for a brief moment in time, the whole world stops, our hearts beat in unison and we fall madly in love. Then without any notice, with out rhyme or reason, total freaking chaos strikes and I wash my hands completely of the situation and walk away hoping with every thing left in me that he’ll be man enough to come chasing.

Ocean Therapy

2010-08-30T06:26:00.002-10:00

Sitting on the beach, I watch the waves as they crash onto the shore and feel the wind twirl my hair around and around as the gentle sprinkle of the rain caresses my face.

I taste the sweet water on my lips and take in the salty air and I'm reminded of just how small my little world is.

I gasp for more of the fresh air as I watch the local surfers take flight to conquer the mighty waters for the healing powers found here have taken my breathe away.

Oh Desperado...

2010-07-31T18:49:00.005-10:00

Oh Desperado, when will you come to your senses? You're not getting any younger.

How I miss the strength of a man. His steadfast ways. The calming power of his touch and the security heard in his voice.

I miss the fantasy of love experienced. The butterflies and the growth of the heart as blood rushed through my veins.

I miss his tender touch and his reassuring words when I needed them so much. The one I ran to, the place I found peace and comfort. The only consistency in my life.

I See

2010-07-20T16:09:00.002-10:00

As I look back on the months gone by, I see God's purpose unfold before me.

I see the the lives he has touched with tender words and warm hugs. I see the comfort he has given, the peace he has released and the joy he has shared.

Listen to Your Heart

2010-07-14T16:17:00.003-10:00

A friend recently said, "You have to open yourself to the chance of Love even if the chance is another broken heart." -JMAW

Change...with Positive Affirmations

2010-05-19T15:53:00.006-10:00

Change begins with a decision made starting within the mind.
Consistent change comes from daily decisions made within the mind.

Positive change happens when thoughts from the mind are spoken daily.

I wanted to share some incredible, life altering, positive affirmations a friend wrote...

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Emotional Distress

2010-03-27T07:17:00.025-10:00

Emotional Distress:

Extreme personal suffering caused by the intentional or negligent actions of another.

Did you know that you can get a protective order against someone that causes you emotional distress?

What's a Single Girl To Do?

2010-02-18T13:36:00.002-10:00

What's a single lady do with all of her free time?

....She learns to cook!

I guess ex-boyfriends are good for something...Thanks for the wonderful recipe! They were delightful!

Look at What We Have

2010-02-18T11:42:00.005-10:00

Hours after the sharing of a recent visit to Bangladesh from an Assistant Pastor my whole world seemed to brighten up.

Our Assistant Pastor spoke of the many homeless souls without limbs left with nothing else in life but their ability to stand on the busy streets in Bangladesh and beg for hand-outs. Many one-armed and legged strangers gathered around their moving vehicle tapping away and pleading for bread as his heart cried out for guidance and sweet direction from God. His heart broke at the sight of their awful desperation.

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Waiting

2009-09-19T07:08:00.006-10:00

Once upon a time on a chair in the cold, white hallway of her high school she sat waiting, completely oblivious of the impact the next person to walk through the doors of the donation center would have on the rest of her life.

Looking up while the whole world around her stopped, there he stood; tall, broad shoulders, illuminating his pure and gentle spirit throughout the empty hallway.

A home, twelve years of tears, limitless, endless love and a handful of life altering mistakes she finds herself sitting again. Waiting.

NUMB

2009-08-13T07:35:00.012-10:00

The life lesson I’m faced with this week reminds me of a recent dream. In the dream I was trying to fly, not quite reaching my full potential immediately, I didn’t give up and continued to put my best foot forward.

Life is full of the good, the bad and sadly often times, the ugly. If we’ve been blessed with God’s wisdom, we learn to SEE these things in everything that happens to reveal itself in our lives. And if we’re strong, we constantly battle the bad and the ugly, constantly sending it right back to where it came from.

Wrong Again

2009-07-13T12:29:00.006-10:00

I didn’t think it was possible but I recently realized that I’m even more single than I thought. Is that even possible?

Do you know how most people have that one person sitting on the side lines waiting for Mr. or Miss Right, as you are but willing to take the plunge with you, if all else fails once you both hit 35 and wake up in bed, alone?

I Became Someone I Hate

2009-06-26T13:21:00.006-10:00

Looking back, the days seem to mesh together as the drama of the week sucked me in and tried to make me believe in its never ending battle.

I caught myself wrapped up and completely engulfed in the office gossip today. I had somehow allowed this negativity to seep into my pores and under by skin after a very long six months of being lead by the spirit.

A Girl's Gotta Do What A Girl's Gotta Do

2009-06-26T04:14:00.025-10:00

This blonde bachelorette had no luck finding prince charming during the 1^stAnnual Bachelor/Bachelorette Auction hosted earlier this month by the Georgia Breast Cancer Coalition Fund. The evening didn’t turn out quite the way we all had anticipated, but it wasn’t a complete waste.

The Blind Date Disaster

2009-06-09T07:19:00.002-10:00

I ran into an old friend the other night while out and about. In the midst of the chatter the question of the relationship status was of course brought up and she excitedly mentioned a single brother. After exchanging phone numbers, I agreed to my first blind date; which lead me to my next topic of venting.

I’ve been single for around 3 or 4 years (who’s counting right) and have yet to be introduced to someone through my circle of trust. As friends, do we not have an unspoken obligation to help our single friends out? Aren’t we supposed to at least make suggestions or point one another in the right direction? Over the past 3 or 4 years, a friend from 15 years before is the first to suggest a gathering of a few single individuals. Of course, I eagerly obliged.

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He's Just Not That Into You

2009-06-03T17:21:00.002-10:00

Wow, Wow, Wow is the only word that comes to mind.

What an incredible movie.

Highly recommended and definitely a must see for a single lady such as myself searching for love.

Clarity in the mysterious world of dating...

Self Discovery.

The Path Which Lies Ahead

2009-05-31T16:56:00.005-10:00

Today has been a day of reflection, a day for regrouping and a day for becoming centered once again.

I discovered a new, great way to mediate as my usual routine tends to be a bit noisy between the ears. Floating freely in a cool and refreshing pool, face toward the blue sky, ears under water drowning out all noise, completely relaxed and only breathing became the highlight of my day.

Praying for Guidance

2009-05-22T15:46:00.007-10:00

I prayed for guidance in dealing with a few people a couple of weeks ago.

Amazingly, God answered my prayer in a way I would have never imagined.

Fish Out of Water

2009-05-22T04:12:00.010-10:00

Seeing a fish in your dream could mean a number of things.

But, to see a fish out of the water seems to only carry one meaning.

10 Reasons Being Single Rocks

2009-05-20T06:56:00.004-10:00

1. You’re in nothing more than your skin and feel amazingly beautiful.

2. Cranking up Heaven Is a Place on Earth by Belinda Carlisle twirling around the kitchen in your pajamas looking for the chocolate ice cream and not feeling stupid doing it.

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12 Ways to Find Your Soul Mate

2009-05-20T06:29:00.009-10:00

Another good article I found...

Get ready for your soul mate with these steps you can take, starting today.

By Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway

Like many of you, I spent a good part of my adult life longing—and looking—for my soul mate. There were two things that helped to eventually bring my beloved and me together: I never gave up my faith that he existed. And I discovered the importance of getting ready for love. Just in time for a fresh start this Valentine's Day, here are a few pearls of wisdom on the topic, culled from my own experience and many years of work on the front lines of love and relationships.

The Necklace

2009-05-19T05:23:00.004-10:00

The cheerful little girl with bouncy golden curls was almost five. Waiting with her mother at the checkout stand, she saw them, a circle of glistening white pearls in a pink foil box.

'Oh mommy please, Mommy. Can I have them? Please, Mommy, please?'

Quickly the mother checked the back of the little foil box and then looked back into the pleading blue eyes of her little girl's upturned face.

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Dating 101: Are Bad Dating Habits Keeping You Single?

2009-05-19T04:44:00.004-10:00

Dating 101: Are Bad Dating Habits Keeping You Single?
Five tips to free yourself from common dating traps
By Lisa Steadman, The Relationship Journalist
Personals Updated: Sep 15, 2008

In the search for love, it's all too easy to get sidetracked by bad dates, broken hearts, and bad love habits. And while bad dates and broken hearts are part of the dating journey toward happily-ever-after, bad love habits can and should be avoided at all costs.
So what's a bad love habit? Any dysfunctional, destructive, difficult belief or habit you have towards love and relationships that's keeping you from finding, attracting, and/or maintaining a healthy relationship. The following are some common bad dating beliefs:
You choose potential partners who are incapable of meeting your emotional needs.
You think love has to be difficult, painful, and/or hard.
You think your potential partner is going to fix whatever you don't like about yourself or your life.
You think your potential partner is going to fix whatever you don't like about yourself or your life.
You believe time is running out on your search for love and/or your chance to have children.
If any of the above sound familiar, don't worry. You're not a lost cause. In fact, with a little time and effort, you can turn things around! What follows are five simple and effective tips and techniques geared toward helping you break free of limiting relationship beliefs and bad dating habits. Practiced over time, you can and will kick any bad dating habit -- for good!

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Dating Tips: 9 Essential for Single Women

2009-05-19T04:41:00.005-10:00

Dating Tips: 9 Essentials for Single Women
By dating expert Lisa Steadman
Updated: May 7, 2009

After a little research, I compiled these fundamental single-gal necessities:
#1: The Third-Date Outfit
The first date's a formality. The second establishes mutual attraction. And the third date is all about turning up the heat. So whether it's those saucy black boots you splurged on at Bloomies, or that curve-hugging skirt, or even that sensual spaghetti-strap top, a single girl's gotta have something that makes her feel like a million bucks for that rare but fabulous third date.

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How Not to Get a Phone Number

2009-05-17T16:50:00.004-10:00

I must say that even though I feel like a total idiot, my weekend turned out to be a pretty good one.

It all started last night during a wonderful evening with the ladies. Good food, great wine and ample amounts of laughing. Near our table outside on the patio at Bahama Breeze was a table full of gentlemen, dark, handsome, air force gentlemen. Because I was the only single lady at our table, the conversation quickly turned to admiring the eye candy across the room, sending plenty of smiles their way.

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Depression,How to Break Free

2009-05-11T06:45:00.006-10:00

If you are anything like me, I stay pretty happy most of the time.

But, on occasion, I drift into a deep depression where it seems like I am completely alone in this world.

For instance, this weekend; On Mother's Day I somehow managed to stay on my couch for the entire day. Except of course for the two trips for lunch and dinner and the trip to church. I had absolute no desire to reach out for help or inside.

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122

2009-04-25T03:29:00.009-10:00

20 for gas and 6 1/2 dreadful hours later, we arrived. In the long forgotten city where I first tried to profess my undying love, 11 short years ago. If I would have known the memories this empty city would have brought up from this cluttered mind of mine, I would of stayed home.

Confidence

2009-04-20T15:43:00.008-10:00

Professional audition attire...$60

Parking and admission fee...$40

The experience of being in a room with over 200 highly competitive women totally on top of their game, half naked and still walk out with the same amount of, if not more, confidence than you started with...Priceless!

Flying

2009-04-17T04:51:00.007-10:00

Ever dream that you're flying?

I do, a lot. Most of my in-flight dreams are exhilarating leaving me feeling a new sense of freedom and power upon awaking. However, last night wasn't the case.

Angels

2009-04-17T02:52:00.005-10:00

http://www.beliefnet.com/

While checking my email, as I do every morning, I noticed a newsletter that I had magically subscribed to. Not recalling ever seeing this website, I found it utterly amazing and felt compelled to share this.

Who knows, maybe one of my guardian angels signed me up for this.

Check it out!

40 Days and 40 Nights

2009-03-27T12:08:00.005-10:00

I had a revelation today.

Today starts my new journey of focus, peace and direction.

Today I made an agreement with myself for 40 long days and 40 sure to be sweat filled nights.

In recent self analysis I realized that I spend a lot of time and energy focusing on relationships. Whether it be past, present or future. I'm always in deep thought about MEN.

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Another One Bites the Dust

2009-03-22T16:44:00.006-10:00

Today, another one bites the dust.

After another long, dreadful conversation filled with inspiration and motivation toward none other but Miss Girlfriend, I think I finally realized that maybe, just maybe I am meant to be alone.

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Sex Life

2009-02-05T09:04:00.005-10:00

I am one that loves to fall asleep and dream. Sometimes, I feel as if God speaks to me through my dreams and other times I am completely lost to the actual meaning of the dream. When this happens, I find great guidance in researching the meanings, usually at www.dreammoods.com. This site tends to give me an incredible amount of insight to my waking life.

Last night I dreamt of driving to visit someone in Ohio. While I was driving, I awoke and realized that during this time I had been asleep. In my research, I learned the following:

Pure Sweet Bliss

2009-01-30T09:33:00.006-10:00

The worries of the day melt away and seem to roll down the curve of my back as my left Nike hits the concrete at the local gym. The troubling thoughts from the week slowly fade away as my right foot follows. The bittersweet words I hear in my ears ease the pain faced throughout the week as it too slips off of my bare shoulders.

Nothing else matters.

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He Will Find You

2009-01-27T05:36:00.004-10:00

I stood there, heart hardened and completely empty; gazing into his eyes, words that would hold years of regret slipped through my lips. “I don’t have anything left to give.”

Little did I know the next words from his mouth would haunt my heart forever. He leaned in, embraced me with both hands, glared into my eyes and spoke, “If we aren’t together then I’ll be alone for the rest of my life.”

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Little Black Book

2009-01-27T05:35:00.008-10:00

It’s been a while since I’ve written, so of course, I have a lot on my mind….

First of all, it’s so nice to have my own place again. It’s good for the soul. The last time I had my own place, I was a very miserable and depressed individual. I have learned a lot since then and have especially learned the pure peace of coming home to your own space.

Which leads me to the sweet contentment of unwinding after a long year and truly valuing the meaning and the art found in being single. Not until I spoke these words did I find myself faced with the challenges of “getting to know someone.” I warn you; be very careful what you speak. Because You Will Be Tested.

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Learning to Let Go

2009-01-27T05:28:00.007-10:00

This Too Shall Pass

2008-10-14T20:33:00.004-10:00

One late night, lying awake, my heart began to beat uncontrollably. While it lasted, I was frightened and unsure of the strange and irregular patterns it held, completely isolated from the rest of my being. It seemed to be lost and confused, not knowing which side to pump from, to, or when. Lying there, I felt my heart struggle and pound unknowingly from side to side, pumping out of control.

I’ve always known the terrible, frightening heart diseases and conditions that the majority of the women in my family found themselves helplessly faced head on with, but I would never acknowledge the fact that one day….yes one day… that could be me.

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Am I Being Tested?

2008-09-11T15:10:00.003-10:00

It’s been a little over a month since I followed God’s command and came home. Almost daily I wish I would not had come but I can’t help but to feel like a good and faithful servant. I continue to pray and ask for guidance as I sit here pondering my next step. After a short talk with my sister, she brought the possibility of a test from God back to the forefront of the many thoughts roaming endlessly in my mind. “A test from God,” I agreed. I thought for a few moments. Then I thought how many tests could he possibly give me in a short amount of time?

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If It Weren't For Music...

2008-09-05T05:49:00.010-10:00

I couldn't help but feel that I had unaccomplished business in Hawaii as I was delivering a last piece of furniture before my flight back home. At a last look at a cruise boat docked in Honolulu, the words to complete my sentence had completely vanished. I was absolutely speechless. I was silent. I froze. In the middle of a sentence, I lost my train of thought. I couldn't figure out why. Was I supposed to hang up with this girl, cancel this transaction, and dial the first number that came to mind? I didn't know which direction to go.

I soon apologized for my emotion-lead thinking and shook off the thought of unfinished business in Hawaii, continuing with the next scheduled "to do" on my list.

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Going Home

2008-09-05T05:47:00.003-10:00

As I muster up the motivation from deep within my soul to go home for the last time, I reflect.

The seasons spent here in Hawaii were…well entertaining and very healing.

My spirit has healed.

The last 14 days here have been spent in solitude. I expected to have time to myself while my sister and child were away but I never expected this much alone time. I've tried to do any and everything to stay busy.

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True Love

2008-09-05T05:46:00.009-10:00

My Rock....My Hope...My Sisters.

In looking at many old family photos I thought about the long, blessed, happy, hard and ever chaning life I've lived. My heart pounded at the sight of the different seasons of life caught in these photos. I admired the pictures of the three of us together the most.

My sisters.

Challenges

2008-09-05T05:42:00.005-10:00

As I look out at the Hawaiian mountains, I take in the cloudy sky, the hidden sun, and the chill of the morning breeze, and I admire the bird that flies so freely.

I acknowledge the twenty different emotions that life has brought me this week and ponder the solutions to become grounded once again.

I exhale.

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What Makes Us Disposable?

2008-09-05T05:40:00.003-10:00

I've loved a total of 2 times in my life. Just out of curiousity, how many times have you loved and been let go? I'm not talking about...I think it was love, I'm talking about real love. True Love. Life altering love.

What makes us so disposable?

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For My Sweet, Sweet Greg Henderson

2008-09-05T05:38:00.006-10:00

Greg Henderson is someone I will always remember. I will always hold his spirit very close to my heart. I met Greg about ten years ago when I moved to San Diego. I will remember Greg as the most kind-hearted, happy, free spirited person I've ever met. Greg was always so care free and happy. He never failed to bring a smile to my face. Every time I was around Greg, my heart was filled with warmth and love. I'll never forget our fun, breezy, San Diego, sunny day piggy-back rides. They will always remain to be one of my most cherished memories.

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Let it Go by T.D. Jakes

2008-09-05T05:34:00.003-10:00

There are people who can walk away from you.

And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk.

I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you.

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