Bring On The Rain

Boy, 2011 was some year!  I don't think there has ever been a more difficult, more challenging 365 days.  Well, in my life anyway.

A few months ago, with a happy and excited heart, I answered a call and moved back to Hawaii. Unfortunately, I wasn't prepared for the shock that would soon question my faith. 


2011 taught me many life lessons.  Through many trials, God pulled and stretched me thin and pounded on me with what, at times, felt like a meat tenderizer.  There were several days when I would stand without an ounce of strength, asking God for a break so I could catch my breath. 

By the time the middle of November came around, I didn't recognize who I'd become.  I feared reconnecting with old friends.  I wanted to hide what I was going through until it was over.  I was filled with an unfamiliar feeling.  It poured out from my heart, infected my mind and soon even the words that came from my lips. Years and years of hurt, tucked away in a secret place, hidden from the world had exploded and surfaced.  I was filled with a shameful emotion.  Anger. 

I wanted nothing to do with such a nasty feeling.  My heart was bruised, hurt again and here I was, in the middle of the ocean (again), without my support group.  The ladies that were always by my side, were thousands of miles away.  I was facing an emotional breakdown and I was angry!

I had to find a way to get rid of this anger...fast.  It was eating away my peace and my joy.  A strenuous jog quieted the feeling.  But, soon it was back.  I prayed, cried and prayed some more.  It found its way back to the surface of my heart.  Martinis, strange men and baking covered it briefly.  The little word haunted my mind and my heart.   Ready and waiting to devour me and anyone else that crossed my path.  I had to stay away from everyone.  I wasn't trained to deal with such a strong feeling. 

On Christmas Day, I witnessed a crowd of young children sing an emotion filled song, wishing Jesus Christ a Happy Birthday.  During church service, on this day, I was reminded of an action that I had recently forgotten about.  An action, on my part, that would free my soul from this new, ugly, unwanted emotion.  An action that I was very familiar with.  Forgiveness.  I forgot to forgive.

At the exact moment that I humbled my heart and chose love, this powerful, nasty emotion had to release it's chains from me. 

Evil lost. Love won.

I wasn't happy when what my heart was set on vanished this year.  But, I'm going to take the best memory of the year and allow it to fill my heart with great, endless love and hide it deep into my soul. 

And I'll thank God for his blessings, for giving me the chance to experience such pure joy again.  I'll thank him for teaching me many things this year and changing me into the woman he always knew I'd become and I'll gladly welcome a brand new year!

Happy New Year!